In 1983, after seven years of sobriety, I realized that I needed to learn how to be a calmer person. During a three year period, I started going in and out of clinical depression. Of course, being an overachiever, I kept telling myself to snap out of it. The idea that I had a mental illness never occurred to me. I now believe depression to be an emotional disease that affects people mentally.
I was sponsoring 8 people in AA and going to daily meetings. However, I was gradually losing the ability to support my daughter, Lisa, and me. I had always wanted to live in Florida. So after Cuba, Lisa and I moved here to Florida. We had no family or friends for a support system and I had no job. Only much later did I realize how stressful this was.
I started meditation in 1983 by keeping a steno pad and using the Bible and a concordance. I chose different topics from the concordance to study. I did this early in the morning so I started each day with positive thoughts. I continued to do this for a few years. One day, at the library, which has always been my main source of enjoyment, I checked out some books on meditation.
Having been reared a Presbyterian, the meditation was new for me. I am sure that there are some Presbyterians who meditate, but I didn’t know any. Luckily, during this period, Lisa and I attended both the Winter Park Presbyterian Church and on Wednesday nights, we went to Calvary Assembly. On Wednesday, the adults went to the large sanctuary and the children had a separate service. One evening, after the Calvary Assembly service, Lisa said that something wonderful had happened to her. She said that she felt that a large weight was lifted from her. She was in sixth grade so I almost slipped to my knees in the parking lot in gratitude. What a wonderful gift for her and for me.
I got to the knees part as soon as I got home. I don’t know any greater gift a child can give to parents than accepting the God of his/her understanding. I know that being under God’s guidance our main job as a parent has been fulfilled.
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